You are a woman too!

 

A man is going through a divorce. And the woman within him is the only companion he has in this difficult time.

She was alone in that home. Sitting on that chair with her legs crossed, she was wearing a light satin saree and occupied with what she was doing. Her light saree was blowing under the fast moving ceiling fan. Her ill-fitted sleeves in her blouse suggested that she had recently lost a lot of weight. May be that was the reason she was fixing her other saree blouses using a needle and thread at that time. Women always like to wear snug-fitting saree blouses.  But very likely, there was another motivation behind her fixing the fitting of her saree blouses, she wanted to distract herself from something that was continuously bothering her.

There was a photo frame standing on a stool that was right next to her chair. She was standing with another woman in that picture. She used to be a little more chubby back then. But now?

“Ouch”, the needle she was working with, pinched her finger.  But there was no one to hear her pain.

“Which woman will stay in a relationship with a man who stays inside home wearing a saree?” the words spoken by her uncle were still tormenting her. Her uncle was so wrong. How could she ever explain that to him? It is true that “she” used to wear sarees at home occasionally but that was not the reason her wife divorced him. S/he was not an idle sitting man. He was a successful businessman, who owned a highly successful software company. He had name, fame, wealth, everything one could desire. And occasionally, he liked to wear sarees. That’s all.

It wasn’t as if his wife didn’t know about his love for dressing in women’s clothes. After all the day he had met his wife for the first time in a college campus in the US, he was wearing a saree! Ever since he knew, he had always been dreaming about dressing up as a woman. And when he went to the US for studies, he got the opportunity to fulfill his dream when a festival named Halloween came. On the day of Halloween, people dress themselves in unusual outfits. There is no right or wrong cloth one can wear that day. In fact, many boys dress as slutty nurses or walk in high heels wearing long sexy gowns. Grabbing this opportunity, he wore a pretty saree and went out on this day of freedom. Long hair, a big ladies purse on his shoulder, big shining earrings, a big bra with fake breasts in it, red lipstick and high heels, he had it all. And when he was out on the streets, there were many eyes watching him. But he didn’t care, he just enjoyed being a woman that day.

But since it is usually cold during Halloween, he could not stay out longer and he went inside a club. And that’s where his wife-to-be Rashmi had first seen him. She was in the same university and had come there to study from India. Seeing a woman dressed in a saree, she got inclined to meet this woman from her home country. She was really surprised when that woman told her that she is a boy named Nilesh! He doesn’t know why but he didn’t mind sharing his life long secret with Rashmi that he loves to dress like a woman. They both took a picture that day. The same picture of their first meeting was still sitting next to Nilesh today where he was fixing his saree blouses. Soon after there first meeting, the love was in the air. Rashmi had no qualms about Nilesh dressing up and becoming Neelima, his feminine alter ego. In fact, Rashmi would sometimes encourage Neelima and take her out with her. It was like a dream come true for Nilesh. They both came back to India after completing their studies, and got married soon.

Only Nilesh knew the truth but those hurtful words of his uncle were going to linger in his mind for long. And while stitching “her” blouse, those words continued to haunt her. After finishing one blouse, Neelima finally got up. She tucked her saree pallu below her feminine waist and walked towards the closet that had numerous beautiful sarees kept in haphazard manner. It was easy to notice that she had only moved recently into this apartment. There were several unopened boxes with stuff in it waiting to get organized in this new place of hers. Neelima took the blouse in her hand, and tried to find a saree that would go well with it. She found a beautiful silk saree and quickly went through her boxes to find a matching sandals and a matching petticoat which she kept on her bed.

May be Neelima was planning to go out somewhere, that’s why she was looking for a nice saree. And then, she stood in front of a dressing table in the corner of that room and began to unwrap the saree she was wearing. She began to remove her blouse as well. She was wearing a bra inside that seemed pretty expensive. And yet, she was a little uncomfortable in that bra.  It was because she had lost so much weight that the bra size was not appropriate for her any more. She moved her hand to find the bra hooks on her back; she moved it to the tightest position and adjusted her straps to make it more fit. She looked herself into the mirror; she was not what she used to be earlier. Before she could create a beautiful sexy cleavage without much efforts, but now with her reduced self, there was not enough flesh to create a deep cleavage. She could not do anything about it. She had to get ready either way.

Neelima tied her hair into a round bun, and began to wear a blouse that she just finished. Her sleeves were fitting snugly on her arms now. She touched her blouse sleeves to feel that snugness. She then proceed to put on the hooks in the front of her silk blouse. With each hook, she got lost in her memories once again. The first year after her wedding with Rashmi went great. Nilesh and Rashmi were happy together, but then Rashmi began to change. To be fair to Rashmi, she never changed really. Rashmi had always been like that. She would do what she wants, and she would impose her desires on her husband too. Nilesh didn’t mind doing whatever Rashmi asked, but soon Rashmi’s imposition began to impact his personality. Rashmi would never listen to what Nilesh had to say, and she would force her way on him. Poor Nilesh’s life just wandered around fulfilling Rashmi’s wishes. One mistake on his part, and the hell would break loose in his home. He began to garner bitterness towards Rashmi. He never knew when his wife would get angry with him. No matter what he did, his wife would find a problem in it. Still he continued to do everything for her with a lot of love. But Rashmi considered this his weakness.

“May god never give any woman a husband like you. Why do you live afraid all the time? Why don’t you use your own head ever?”, Rashmi taunted Nilesh one day. He didn’t know what to say to her. If he agreed to what Rashmi said, he was considered a weak afraid man. If he disagreed and did what he felt is correct, Rashmi would fight with him endlessly. He was tired of this life. He was a well respected man outside his home … everyone wanted to work with him or for him in his company, but he was constantly humiliated in his own home. And that became the reason for their divorce. And Rashmi got a significant amount of his wealth in the divorce settlement.

Neelima was now ready in her petticoat, and she began to quickly wrap her saree around her body. This was one of her mother’s sarees. After her mother’s death, she received all her sarees. She had never expressed this side of her personality with her mother, but she was glad that she could at least experience being a daughter by wearing her mom’s sarees. Sometimes she wonder how great it would have been if she had gathered courage to tell her mom once about Neelima and see her mom as her daughter at least once in the life. As a daughter, she would hug her mom with love. Sometimes, there is a little distance between a son and a mother which does not exist between a daughter and a mother. She wished if she could bridge that distance and tell her mom, how much she loved her mom, and how she always wanted to be like her.

Neelima looked down as she was making the pleats around her waist. She felt happy thinking about her mom. And then, she spread the beautiful pallu of her saree over her left arm. She began to look into the mirror and saw herself posing like how her mom would do. Neelima had a glimpse of her mother in that instant. Then she proceeded to carefully measure the length of her hanging saree pallu and pinned it to the long sleeve blouse she was wearing. Then she turned around to see herself from the back. Her saree needed a little fixing on the back. She pulled it with her hand to fix it. And then, she used a safety pin that was attached to her bangles, to pin the pleats below her waist on the front. Even with all the sadness, she was glowing today.

She then pulled her pallu from the back and began to admire herself, checking for any corrections with her look. Her breasts formed a lovely shape in her open saree pallu. She was happy now. She had forgotten about her pain. And then she removed the small bindi from her forehead, and applied a big round maroon bindi just like her mom. She might be a divorced woman now, but wearing a maroon bindi is not just the luxury of a married woman, she deserved it too. She then lined her eyes with kajal and checked the watch on her wrist. It was about time that she left. She quickly did a light makeup and put on her big ladies purse on her right shoulder. She loved big purses to carry! She got out of her apartment, locked the door and put the keys into one of the many compartments her purse had. A woman from her neighborhood was a little amused to see Neelima locking her apartment. She had never seen Neelima before. How could she when Neelima had only moved recently to this place. Neelima smiled at that woman and walked towards the lift.

When she got down, Neelima found her car and began to drive towards her friend Sulochana’s home. Sulochana was wife of Nilesh’s friend Dheeraj. When it was almost final that Nilesh and Rashmi would have divorce, Nilesh was in depression those days. He had began to loose weight. And one day, out of no where, he decided to call all his good friends along with their wives, and informed them about the woman living inside him. His friends were a little concerned and wondered if Nilesh is on his way to become a woman through surgery. But Nilesh very patiently told them that he is not going for a sex change. He just loves to occasionally dress as a woman.

Because Nilesh had always been kind and helpful to everyone, his friends and their wives gladly accepted Neelima in their lives. His friends though could never understand why Nilesh was like this.  How could he have explained this to them when he himself had no answer for this question? After that, he had met his friends and their wives as Neelima a few times. The surprising thing was that his friends’ wives had accepted Neelima with so much love, and admitted her in their women’s circle. Now, Neelima would spend more time with wives than with her male friends. Neelima found some kind of a strange relief when women talked about shopping for dresses and shoes or discussed makeup tips with her. It felt like a therapy for Neelima who was going through the pain of divorce. And that’s how, Sulochana who was the wife of Dheeraj, became a good friend of Neelima.  Sulochana had called Neelima today at her home. She was worried about Neelima. It had been only two days since Nilesh and Rashmi’s divorce was finalized in the court.

It was afternoon, and Dheeraj was unlikely to be at home this time. Meeting Sulochana as Nilesh when she is alone didn’t seem appropriate to him, so he came as Neelima today. After arriving at Sulochana’s home, Neelima rung a door bell. She was definitely happy to see her good friend but her heart was not fully ready to meet anyone … her pain was still so fresh.

A lady with a big smile wearing a salwar suit opened the door for Neelima. That lady was Sulochana. “Neelima!”, Sulochana exclaimed and immediately hugged her friend.

“Come inside. Wow, Neelima! Looking stunning today. I am seeing you in this saree for the first time. It is really pretty!”, Sulochana said as she pulled Neelima in. Unlike men, women don’t mind praising other women about their dressing.

“Yes, I wear this saree rarely. It is my mom’s”, Neelima said. She still had sadness on her face, but words from Sulochana made her feel better already.

“And those beautiful kangan (gold bangles)? Are those your mother’s too?”, Sulochana grabbed Neelima’s hands to look at her bangles.

“Yes… but how would you know?”, Neelima was surprised a little.

“Arey, these are a little antique type … but are really beautiful. They look good on you.”, Sulochana said as she wrapped her dupatta around her neck.

“Thank you Su …. but how come you are wearing salwar suit today? I have never seen you wear one…”

“Just for a change yaar … nothing special. Now listen, I was cooking samosas for you. I hope you are hungry! I will get it from the kitchen now. Why don’t you sit here on the sofa for two minutes?”, Sulochana said.
 

“Why don’t I come inside with you? It really smells delicious… let me see how you make these delicacies”, Neelima wrapped her pallu around her waist as if getting ready to take on the tasks in the kitchen. She had learnt all these gestures from her mother. She really knew how women accomplish so many things at home while wearing a saree.

“Sure… we can start gossiping too!”, Sulochana laughed.

Both women were now in the kitchen, and Sulochana started frying the traingular delicacy samosas.

“Oh my god… this much oil. I am gonna get fat Su..!! I will have to loosen my saree blouses!”, Neelima said jokingly to Sulochana.

“Darling… you deserve to gain some weight. Look you have already lost so much weight. You should eat more. It is not healthy to be this thin.”, Sulochana said.

They both laughed. And while laughing, Sulochana’s dupatta slipped from her right  shoulder. And that’s when Neelima noticed something on Sulochana’s exposed neck. Sulochana had a beautiful fair neck and round busty breasts.  But what caught Neelima’s attention looked like a wound. But before she could look at it, Sulochana covered it again with her dupatta.

Neelima moved forward and tried to remove Sulochana’s dupatta, but Sulochana resisted. That didn’t deter Neelima. She looked at that wound and asked, “How did this happen Sulochana?”

“It’s nothing, dear. Don’t worry about it. Look now, our samosas are ready. Let’ eat now”, Sulochana tried to avoid talking about that wound and began to serve samosas on plates.

But Neelima was in no mood to let the matter pass. She grabbed Sulochana by both her arms and said, “Does Dheeraj raise his hands on you? Does he beat you Su?”

The radiant smile from Sulochana’s face vanished instantly. “Let it be Neelima. Why do you want to get into this? Things like these happen between a husband and a wife. Let’t eat before samosas get cold.”, Sulochana tried to smile again.

Neelima had her answer. She could not believe that her friend Dheeraj could do something like this.

“How long had this been going on, Sulochana?”, Neelima’s voice had concern.

But in stead of answering, Sulochana got out of Neelima’s hold and took the plates in her hand to the drawing room. She sat on a sofa, and Neelima sat next to her. Sulochana was sitting quietly while Neelima stared at her.

“Su… you are my friend. Right? Aren’t you going to share this with your friend?”, Neelima asked Sulochana with love in her eyes. Sulochana began to look down in sadness.

Neelima sensed her sadness. She pulled up her pallu, bunched it on her shoulder and touched Sulochana’s face gently. Neelima’s face clearly expressed the emotional woman that was inside her.

“What can I tell you, Neelima? Isn’t this the story of every house? A wife needs to sacrifice a few things. Respecting husband’s wishes and following him, isn’t this the duty of a wife?”, Sulochana said but she knew in her heart that it is not right. She knew that following every whimsical orders of her husband as his slave is not right.

“Don’t you understand Neelima how much sacrifices women need to make? What a woman has to go through and tolerate? You know it. Don’t you? You are a woman too, Neelima. You know it very well”, Sulochana looked at Neelima with her deep gaze.

Sulochana was right. In between Nilesh and Rashmi, Nilesh had been making sacrifices which people usually associate with women. He was not a weak man, but he really was the embodiment of a sacrificing woman in that relationship.

Both girl friends hugged each other after that, and began to silently console each other. They both had tears in their eyes. They both knew their as well as each other’s pain. They both had been going through a similar pain.

Those ladies moved apart after a long hug, and stayed their helding each other’s hands. They just looked at each other’s eyes without saying a word. No words are necessary when two people begin to understand each other and become each other’s support. And when that happens, a certain kind of attraction develops between them. That was happening between these two women too. Not just their hearts, their bodies longed to meet and merge to console each other. That attraction was turning into a desire which began to appear on Neelima’s lips. While holding Sulochana’s hands, Neelima could feel the desire to make Sulochana as her own. She wanted to kiss her. But should she do it? She kept wondering.

Thankfully, Sulochana broke that spell of attraction. “Hey… let’s eat before samosas get really cold. I know you must be hungry Neelima.”, Sulochana said as she gave a plate to Neelima.

As she took a bite of that samosa, Neelima was lost in her thoughts. She felt a little ashamed inside for feeling physically attracted towards Sulochana, when Sulochana was going through this tough times. Why did that thought even arise? May be because it had been a long time since she touched the body of any woman. She tried to find an explanation for her behavior. She told herself that she must do the right thing. And then, she pulled up her saree aanchal to cover her chest. Her blouse and the shape of her right breast was exposed as her saree had slipped down. Her blouse was really fitting well and looked attractive on her.

Sulochana kept smiling and was thinking if she would ever be able to take a step like Neelima and free herself from the bonds of stressful relationships? How her life would be if she decides to have a life partner like Nilesh or Neelima? She wondered why she became best friends with Neelima in the first place, and why she never shared any thing with any other woman before. Sulochana’s dupatta had slipped from her neck and was resting on her wrists, but she didn’t bother pulling it up.

Neelima adjusted her saree pleats below her waist, and began to smile looking at her friend Sulochana.

The End