On weekends we would go for films and shopping. I would make him buy dresses for me and makeup items. The urge to look beautiful was growing inside me with every passing day. I would often compare myself with gorgeous women I saw outside. I was also getting compliments every now and then for my sense of dressing and beauty. I easily could mingle with ladies and chat with them on all topics for hours. I was enjoying my new found self. Most of the men I met outside were very nice to me. They would always be helpful and caring. Sometimes i was also victim of teasing by bad boys. Initially I didn’t mind those as I was engrossed in my own sorrows but now I saw it as menace. It was better I keep ignoring them but don’t know why there was fear in my heart of any untoward incident whenever I walked a lonely road with rowdy guys around. I always felt safe going out with my husband. Life was going normally otherwise.
One afternoon I got a call from my mother. She was very tense. She said my brother was not well but she didn’t tell what has happened to him. I kept insisting her as I too was afraid.
Everything is finished now. We don’t have hopes now; she said.
I was more worried now. What has happened to him I wanted to know. After much consoling she broke and said that he was also developing problems like me. His body was also changing like me. Doctors have again been helpless. It was from last month but my parents didn’t want to bother me with it. Now they had no choice. It was very hard time for my family and everyone back home was in grief.
Till now we have kept him at home but it will not be good for him to be here. He too needs to go out else he will come in depression; she said.
His body changes are much faster than yours. His voice is too feminine to hide now. His features do not hide anymore even in loose shirt he wears. We don’t have any option; she added and started crying.
I kept consoling her. My parents had decided now to keep him too at uncle’s place like I did. Suddenly my past experience were filled in my mind. I at once rejected the proposal.
No he will live with me. I don’t want him to suffer there; I said.
But how nice they were to you? They were puzzled. Now I was dumb found as how could I narrate those incidents to them. How do I say them what Uncle did to me and how aunt behaved.
I know how to take care of my sister, sorry brother. Bring him to me I will handle; I just insisted.
They said they will ask my brother whom he would like to live with. I wished he chose me over them. I did not want him to suffer like I did. I was very tensed after it. A sense of protective sister has emerged in me. I have never been so worried about him. I wished I could go home and bring her outright in my custody. I would be the best person to take care of her. When he was child and I am boy I would always protect him. Outside of home he was my responsibility but we quarrelled a lot at home. We had very happy childhood. At night I shared the news with my husband. He was sympathetic and wished quick recovery. I shared my wish to keep my brother with me which he too supported. It somewhat lightened my worries. I gave him a warm hug and dug my face in his chest. My love for him was growing like never before.
Next day my parents arrived along with my brother. I saw a thin young girl standing next to my parents at the door. I could not recognise him instantly. He was changed a lot. The changes were very quick like it was in my case. I greeted her and he was looking towards the floor. I knew instantly what hell he was going through. I had experienced it too. So I moved forward hugged him and holding his hand brought him inside the house. He was wearing a jeans and a t-shirt. They were female clothes. I guessed my youngest aunty would have lent him. Soon my husband joined us and they greeted each other. My brother’s nails were painted. His skin had glow and softness of a girl due to fat deposit under skin. His hair was short and bob. Maybe someone at home tried to give it girly look.
She seemed tired but was uncomfortable in our presence. I held her hand and took her to her room which I had already prepared for her. I was trying to be as friendly as possible to her. I hugged her again and now she was in tears. There were just two of us in the room. It was for the first time after my transitioning that we were so close. She hugged my tightly and started sobbing. I could relive the pain and trauma she must have been going through. I kept consoling her that soon things will become OK. My only concern was to make her comfortable here. She would learn to cope with things with passage of time. I made her sit on the bed and started briefing about the house, her cupboard and the room. I started probing her body changes so as to decide which clothe male or female would be appropriate for her. The changes were more prominent and I could guess it would have started well over a year ago. She may be comfortable in t-shirt, but jeans may not be comfortable at home. So maybe she needed skirt with t-shirt, but that would be more feminine.
Undecided, I took help from mother and she chose a cotton salwar kameez, and silently handed over to her. She went to the bathroom. I had never seen him so docile. He had always been a brat. I felt pity for him. He will have to lead a captive life like me from now onwards. Maybe she learns it quickly following me. I was determined to make her life easy and happy. Earlier as an elder brother it was my duty to look after him but now my responsibility as elder sister was far more. From the moment I heard of her condition I was affectionately attached to her and kept thinking about her. I hoped I will prove to be a loving sister to my newly found sister. When I transitioned to a girl we distanced each other but fate has once again brought us together and our bonding would become stronger than ever.
My thoughts were broken by sound of the bathroom door. She was dressed in the cotton salwar kameez. Yellow colour was looking beautiful on her. She was arranging her mangled wet hair with her hands. I understood she needed a comb and so I silently motioned her to sit on bed and started combing her hair. Her hair had curls which might have been styled by someone in family. She had thick hair like me but fuller than me. She kept her eyes on the floor sitting motionlessly letting me do her hair. I dried her hair and after combing put two pins on each side to keep it in place. She did not need hair bands. She was a bit annoyed with the butterfly pins I guessed. She was constantly observing me. She had seen me after long and I was changed a lot physically since then. My hair was now long. My boobs were grown and more prominent like any other lady of my age. Hips were wider. I noticed she was noticing my walk which to her may be strange as she had not seen me so close after my transition. We occasionally glanced each other and smiled back.
My parents soon departed after handing over my sister’s charge to me. They thought we both would not be comfortable together in their presence so they would stay at uncle’s house and visit us daily for few days. I too needed the privacy with my sister so that she start confiding me. I was confident she would love my company. We will have the whole day together at home and I will have to try make her comfortable.
It was time to help my husband get ready for office and I was rushing in and out of kitchen. He was dependent on me too calling me every now and then. Finally, he got ready and before leaving was hugging me in bedroom. We were kissing as usual and my eyes went towards kitchen where my sister was standing facing towards us. She instantly turned aside but we had met eyes by then. She too went inside her room after fetching water. My husband having his back towards her was unaware of her presence and kept hugging me hard.
Soon he left and just both of us sisters were left in house. I was now shy to face her but after all we were husband and wife and it was normal for us and sooner or later she would also not mind it. So I reached out to her with a smile. She too responded back. We soon were gossiping with each other. I had to catch up all the news of back home from her. She was narrating those events very nicely to me and opening up about her feelings and how sad she was about herself. I consoled her and asked her to be brave and accept her fate as I have done. She nodded like a good girl. She was more submissive than me. I brought her to my bedroom so that we could chat while I complete the chores. I lighted myself of my bangles and chain which I had put on before my parents arrival. She was noticing me all the while. I restarted the conversation.
Suruchi, do you like makeup? Have you tried ever? I asked, and she nodded in ‘no’.
I will teach you. You will love doing it; I said.
I painted her nails in maroon. I changed her ear rings and lent her my gold rings which were dangling elegantly and suited her face. I was enjoying my day with my sister and loving experimenting on her looks. In few hours we had bonded so well that it felt we were together for years. After all we were together for years except that our roles are changed now. From being the dominant sibling to caring sister to my younger sister. I had never imagined our fate would unite us again. I wished her to be carefree and lead happy life. I would protect her from all hardship and evil. I was immersed in my thoughts when she interrupted.
If you need me to help you, you can ask me. Mother has asked me to help you with your chores; she said. I looked at her sad face and smiled back.
No thank you; I said by pinching her nose which she did not like.
I used to do it hard on him when we were at home but now I was soft. She offered to comb my untidy hair. I relented happily. I was amazed to find her skilled at styling hair. She soon made French braid so neatly only my mother could have. I hugged her in excitement. I too tried French braid on her which was not that perfect due to her shorter hair but we both looked more like real sister thanks to the braid.
In afternoon, after I finished my work, we were to go to Uncle’s house to join my parents. I dressed myself in blue saree with sleeveless matching blouse bangles, ear rings necklace and nose pin. My sister watched me and I glanced back smiling at her.
Don’t worry you too will start liking it soon. Girls should look beautiful then only people appreciate them; I said, but she kept quiet.
I wanted to tease her so I continued. Boys outside will ogle at you. You will love attention. Soon you will have many boyfriends. You are so beautiful after all.
Her face was red by now and she was tensed. I quickly smiled back for her to realise I was joking. I did her makeup too as she was visiting aunty for first time and I wished she looks good.
She was now settled at our home. Life was running fine. She was learning her trade fast and had started helping me. Her vital stats had improved too and she was turning out gorgeous. Many beautiful girls would envy her. I had arranged for computer classes for her at a nearby centre and she was happy attending it.
©Shruti Sharma
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